Cauldron of Fire – Part Three, the Now

by cunningstuff

Point of view, I think this concept is very important when fighting the battle to eat right. We often can not see the forest for the trees, no matter how hard we look, we get our ideals screwed, and thus this pic is perfect.

In part one, I stated what went wrong, now let me talk about what, after my strange event of theft, what I am doing right. This past thursday I did 9km on my bicycle, and it was long, but not tortuous, and I will be doing 9-10 km every thursday from now on. I think it is very important for me to say that more than anything, my current state of health is on a fast track since I got up and did some exercise. First I made the effort to start walking, and got up to about a mile, and started feeling more confident about my body. It took about a month of walking to get to where I could ride a bike confidently, and right about that time, my friend loaned me a really nice one to ride untill I go to Oz. I started by just counting blocks, then worked my way up to kilometers.

Having fun without that giant gut.

I was terrible with food and alcohol, both being my only comforts at the time. I started first with milk, cut it out, and then sugar, that was about three years ago. I then met a friend who was fat and became thin, and asked him how, he was like, well, just stopped drinking so much damn beer. It really struck a chord with me, because I know how he used to look. I thought about it a long time, then followed in his footsteps. I think it is also very important for us to contact other people, because we want to emulate those we respect, and I respected this fellow a good bit. Quitting beer was tough, cause, unlike milk and sugar, I really love beer. It is a long time favorite drink, I have expansive knowledge of all kinds of beer, because I liked it so much. I would love to actually just finish this blog on how many kinds of beer I have loved, and what kinds, and where from, but I have a point today, and I want to finalize this statement.

Next was going towards sobriety, by cutting all drinking and smoking marijuana. Cutting out drinking really helped by losing empty unneeded calories, and no more pot helped with all the late night eating and snacks. I am horrible about late night munchies, often going way out-of-the-way to eat until I was full, and since I was eating so much before, eating until I was full really was a lot of eating. Around this time, maybe a little before, I started eating more fresh fruit instead of chips and other bad snacks, avoiding more and more processed foods. I buy bags of apples and oranges, usually common oranges and granny smith apples, because they last a long time, and do not go bad so quick like a lot of fruit. The nice thing about having my bicycle is now I can go get more fresh fruit, and start having variety more often, because 2km is nothing to me anymore. I have lights on my bike, and can ride after work to go find good things to eat at the 24 hour grocery store.

Happy and feeling much more like a human than a walking sandbag.

The last thing I have cut out now is unnecessary snacks, eating just because I want to eat. I did some fasting, I skipped a lot of meals, and really found out what it means to be hungry. To be honest, this is the battle I am currently fighting, because you lose so much contact with what it means to be hungry at all. When you become morbidly obese, you have stopped listening to your body completely, and have no clue as to what to do about hunger. You are constantly hungry, because you are using hunger to substitute emotional needs on so many levels. I still want to eat when I am upset, just screw it all, I am gonna eat this or that, and feel full and comfy. Writing this today is helping me understand that I good bit better, and I am doubling my resolve to only eat when I feel  hunger. I know we have biological alarm clocks that work, and having skipped as many as three days without eating, I am coming to know what they are. I want to eat when my body tells me to eat, not my mind or my troubles. Everyone freaks out when I talk about it like that, but it has worked wonders for me. I ride my bike, and my body gets to where it is shaky and I feel weak, then I get juice and fruit in me and I feel fine. I want to know these signals loud and clear, and not just eat like I have been for the past few weeks, which is more like, oh, it is lunch, eat, oh, it is supper, eat.

I think the clearest path I am searching for is simple, but very hard to find. I am searching for the path of my body telling me when to eat, and it is very hard to do in this modern world. We are constantly bombarded with ads and billboards and bad advice about our diets, and we do not listen to our best informant, our body. I have no clue what it is like to have a real craving, misinformed or not, and I want to know what that feels like. I have been poor most of my life, so there was always this little idea in me that said, look, you don’t know where your next meal is coming from, so eat, and eat big now. I want to rid myself of that voice, because it is basically a falsehood and not the truth of the matter. Being poor makes it very hard to make good choices all the time, because if you have but one dollar for the day, do you eat an apple and a banana or do you eat a double cheeseburger? Now I know, after research and educating myself on the matter, it is the apple and the banana, but that is not what we learn in america. One more reason to not capitalize the country of the halfwit, the teachings of which I am desperately trying to overcome, before it kills me.