Love is in the Air I Breath
I do love my SecondLife, with my lovely partner.
I am not normally a happy camper, by history, and old thought patterns take me over all the time. Recently, I have fallen in love with a beautiful woman, who cares for me so much, that her biggest enemy now is the want for my company, to be in the same room. We are long distance in love, and it causes us to make our decisions and support for each other through a glass wall. I can see her, hear her, but I can not smell her hair, she can not feel my arms around her, the warmth of my body. I am running out of things I can support her want for company with, and I am troubled for our future because of it. I love her more than anything else in the world, but it is none the less my greatest worry, that my poor situation and lack of resources ultimately works against me again, and I am left to be alone.
I will this time never survive, for love is in the very air I breath, I require it for life now. I have tasted the nectar of someone actually caring about me, and having had that drink, it must be like the fountain of youth. You can stay young forever, but you must always be drinking from the fountain to stave off old age and time. I do not care about age much, I am happy at 43, but I am happy at 43 because I have found love. I need to write her much more than I need to write here in this blog, because it is my writing to her that inspires me and gives me fuel on which to work with words for the rest of the day. I have never felt love like this, I have never known love at all. I am learning, love is an active measure, it is something that requires you to be active. I was told all my life how people loved me, but it is not true, for they never proved their love to me. My Lady and Lover, my Queen and Angel, she has proved it to me. She has taken the unneeded steps of letting her family and coworkers know about me, and she puts me forward in all that she does. My mother ever betrayed me to other people, whether it was the step-dad’s selfish wishes, or the councilor’s imprudent hope to fail me, or anything that ever happened, I was the one at fault. It was, I was told, truth that only my mother ever loved me, but now, having love, real true love, I find my distaste of those who “love” me has grown. Grown to the point of forgiveness, I have finally let it all go, and my dreams are now my imagination again, and I have my own mind again.
With love all things are possible. Now I have love, and I am loved, and I can love in return, I am finding I am in many ways, new and childlike about things. I have been reborn, with this new urge and fire, to dream again, to think again, to learn again. My interests have not only returned, but sharpened and become more desired, so that I may continue to gain an education and grow my motivation. I no longer wish to sit idly by and let the world pass, I instead want to take the world into my hands, turn it this way and that, and shake it a bit. I want to make the world a better place for myself, but more than that, I want to make it a better place for my lover and Queen.
My dreams are no longer dominated by the past, but instead dominated by my imagination. I can truly leave off the old feelings, and shed that skin, and move on. My subconscious has finally let loose from the old ties, and I have new eyes and ears to everything around me. I find joy in color, I find joy in the sun, in flowers, in all the things that we associate with love, I now find joy in them. I am no longer turning to see negativity, to be honest, even negative songs can put me off, which is really opposite of how I used to be.
I think I only have one true obstacle to this new life, and it is a left over from the old days. I look for the negative and try to fix it, and I start with a negative hope of finding it and fixing it. I am working on it though, I am looking with my eyes into the sun, so to speak, trying on the light and finding the things I love and letting them find me as well. I am going to try the visualization tool next. I understand it is once again, very simple, but hard to do, especially for someone like me, coming from essentially a negative life to a positive life. I simply need to visualize myself as I want to be, and make it happen. Can I do it here? I do not know but here it goes…
I am in a nice suit, two pieces, no tie. It is slate gray, with a crayon blue shirt, of nice cloth. I am thin and in good shape for man in his late 40’s. I am talking with a business associate, about my lovely wife, in the sun in Sydney. I am on the street, in a nice car, it is something fast, maybe it is a street performance Honda, and it is a convertible. I am confident, having just finished setting up a lucrative deal as a freelance writer. I feel great, and I am taking on the world with a smile, with a great soundtrack. I can hear music, probably from the car, I am not worried about anything other than finding something very nice for my love. This I can visualize, I like it, I feel successful and happy, and I can see it happening.
Well, now let’s get to making it happen.