A new life, for an old man.

Month: August, 2012

League of Legends – Esports – NA Regionals – TSM vs. MME Ferus

She uses glue to hold that thing up… it has to be glue. STRONK glue…

PAX Prime is hosting the League of Legends North American Regionals this year, and maybe every year. The response was so big that they had to do an extra day to fit everyone in. I was off today, so I got to watch the quarterfinals. Now I am not a fan boy, but I do cheer for TSM. They were the first off-Riot web team I got into, and I still think TSM has the best guides. I been going to their website for almost two years now, and Xspecial basically was my inspiration to begin to play with some heart. So if there seems to bit of pro-TSM spin here, understand I am just doing my thing.

First, a bit of definition and basic understanding:

  • TSM – Means Team Solo Mid
  • MME Ferus – Means Mono Maniac Esports Ferus
  • All of TSM’s players are famous, but Reginald is considered the leader/star
  • MME has Aphromoo, a very good ADC player, streams a lot, I have watched him and he is very good in solo que.

Whenever a pro game starts, there is the bans and picks. Bans go down first, and each team gets three bans.  TSM banned Alistar, Yorick, and Rumble. mMe banned Kayle, Karthus, and Vladimir. This is where you can get an idea of what the team fears the most, but realize, all six bans can not be played. When forming strategy, I can guarantee that no matter what, almost every time there will be a ban on Yorick, the current meta just makes it so. Rumble is also what is known as an instaban, in  other words, it just always gets banned. In Pro games the bans often change radically every turn they take, which is usually three games. This is a best of three style tourney, so two wins is a win, no third game.

The picks shows a little bit of the style of the game. First game picks follow.


  • Mid – Reginald – Morganna
  • Top – Dyrus – Shen
  • Bot – Chaox – Corky
  • Jungle – TheOddOne – Shyvanna
  • Support – Xpecial – Sona (woot my main!)


  • Mid – mancloud – Anevia
  • Top – Balls – Irelia
  • Bot – aphromoo – Graves
  • Jungle – Xmithie – Moaki
  • Support – Muffinqt – Nunu

Early game TSM lost first blood in a pre-minion push to mMe’s blue. Late early game mMe has about a 500 gold lead, from the first blood. TheOddOne however was very aggressive in his counter jungle. The cs and the trades on bot were definitely in the favor of mMe. Come about early mid game though, the tide started to turn, TSM went quiet, just went after farm and counter jungle. By 14 minutes, the gold was equal, which means that TSM had actually overcome the first loss. There were no kills right up until 18 minutes, when finally dragon forced a team fight. Second dragon fight ended being 3 for 3 kills, but it was sloppy on both sides. Probably the most annoying thing was the damn announcer who kept saying, “I did not expect TSM to play like this.” The last dragon was 4 kills for zero, for TSM. By 36 minutes it was 15 kills to 6 with an ace for TSM. TSM had killed two inhibitors, with no Baron Nashor kills. the game was over by 39:44, with TSM just running over them for the last 15 minutes.

Second game bans and picks.

Bans for mMe were Shen, Moakai, and Nunu. Tsm’s bans were Alistar, Rumble, and Yorick. This round of bans almost the same as the first, with the notable difference of Shen being in there, after the first round.



  • Mid – Reginald – Karthus
  • Top – Dyrus – Jayce
  • Bot – Chaox – Graves
  • Jungle – TheOddOne – Shyvanna
  • Support – Xpecial – Blitzcrank


  • Mid – mancloud – Vladimir
  • Top – Balls – Kayle
  • Bot – aphromoo – Sivir
  • Jungle – Xmithie – Mundo
  • Support – Muffinqt – Sona (yay twice in one round of a tournament!)

Early game TSM took an early early tower at 3:48, and set an aggressive pace early on. Basically TSM trying a Korean meta out in a tourney against a lighter team. Again bot lane was in mMe’s favor, mostly I think because aphromoo is an ADC specialist. There was a bot lane gank attempt by TSM, but it was flubbed by Xpecial’s missed Blitzcrank grab, and it started 3 vs 2 in TSM’s favor, but by the end of it a Sona ult made the difference, and TSM got smoked. TheOddOne made up for it by a nice top gank, which set TSM up for a lot of jungle invasion. Best quote from the announcer was , “We see them going down on Balls!” TSM got the first dragon uncontested. Another funny was the caster saying Dyrus was two minion waves behind, then you see Dyrus kill two minion waves and run off.  Again, by 18 minutes, it was 6 to 6 in kills overall.

Midgame TSM took another uncontested dragon with a brilliant split push on mid. At 22 minutes mMe forced a team fight with a jungle invasion, but did not have any vision on TSM. 24 minutes there was another TSM dragon, and at 28 minutes they had Nashor as well. They used that baron to take an inhibitor, then did a jungle clear, and basically took the advantage. 32:31 TSM took their nexus, and went to the semifinals.

A good two games, all in all, it was nice to see TSM cowed a bit by a new team, and some of the plays by mMe were quite exceptional. I really loved the aggressive Sona in the second game, I play her all the time, she is my main, so I really enjoyed seeing her played not once but twice. Xpecial playing her, then Muffinqt, so I got to see a lot of Sona in these games. I also enjoyed seeing Reg play Morgana, I like Morgana, a very unlikely pick for a lot of mids. I notice mids like to play whatever they think is OP, and I guess this is because of ELO hell, everyone thinking they need to carry a game. I just like being a solid player, and that is why I chose support. I may never have high ELO, but if you know how to play, you can see me down there, doing my thing.


I am so in Love I Could Cry

I am complicated and I know it, clap my hands.

I listened in
Yes I’m guilty of this
You should know this
I broke down and wrote you back
Before you had a chance to
Forget forgotten
I am moving past this giving notice
I have to go
Yes I know the feeling,
Know you’re leaving
Calm down, I’m calling you to say
I’m capsized, staring on the edge of safe
Calm down, I’m calling back to say
I’m home now
I’m coming around, coming around
Nobody likes to but I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry
Spelled out your name and lists the reasons
Pain of heart
Don’t call me back
I imagine you when I was distant
I follow suit and laid out on my back Imagine that
A million hours left to think of you
And think of that
Calm down, I’m calling you to say
I’m capsized, staring on the edge of safe
Calm down, I’m calling back to say
I’m home now
And coming around, coming around
Nobody likes to but I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Nobody likes to
But I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry
Nobody [x9]
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
Encircle me, I need to be, taken down
I am so in love with me beautiful queen, today is just a song to celebrate our love. I sometimes love her so much I cry. I write things that she has inspired that are so beautiful that I cry. We both have been alone so very long, and we are both the type of people who wear their hearts on their sleeve, we need love in a way that makes it hard to survive without it. Hard and bitter, that would have been me before we met, before she became my lover and my best friend.
Now I am going soft around the edges, and the world has a rose colored tint to it. I am seeing beauty in ways I had forgotten, I like the bird song in the wood, the flowers, little and big, I love the flowers again. I stopped my bike ride to walk up to a yard that had beautiful roses in it to take a deep indulgent sniff. I no longer even want to drink, smoke a joint, or even puff a ciggie. I am becoming a healthier happier man than I ever thought I would be, and it is all due to her, to my love.
Our future is a future to be envied. We will be happy, even if we lost everything, because we are smart enough to do it all on our own all over again, and we are no longer alone in the dark, but in love in the full sunlight.
Be true to your true self my dear readers, be always true to yourself. It will be worth it in the end, either by being an inspiration, or by being rewarded with the love of one who loves you for who you truly are, it will always be worth it to be yourself.

Two Weeks and I am so done with smoking!

My last vice, I swear. I do not count chocolate as a vice, it is a food group.

Well folks, I have finally kicked the habit. I am lucky in that I can change my habits pretty easy, but oh! This was a hard challenge. First and foremost, I want to thank my beautiful Queen. I would have never gotten through this without her special care and love, because I was basically a raging asshat for about 10 days. I am still a bit edgy, don’t get me wrong, but her love and patience with me, combined with some giggles at my asshattery, kept me quite in line. I have quit before, then fallen off the wagon, but this time, I dunno, I really wanted this, and I never want to go through this again. I am so done, and since I am with the most wonderful woman in the world, I do not especially want to put her through that wringer again. I suggest to those of you who are trying to quit and failing, get a partner! It really helped to just talk about my addiction and cravings with someone who understood.

SO get this kick to it all. We quit right? Good for us right? We did it to live longer and to save a ton of money right? Well we both have gotten the shit kicked out of us for even supposing the world gives a rat’s ass. Her car has been broken and saved and fixed and now its broken again, and my landlord is at my door screaming for rent. Not for us trying or being good either, just random circumstances basically that went against us trying to save a buck for a change, so now we are in a deeper money hole than before. I would like to ask the world to give us a break, just for once.  Ok, yes we were very lucky to find each other, but that is not notice to the fates to now screw us every chance! Now please laugh, because all this is said in jest, but seriously, how can I not laugh at the irony.

It is not that I think I should get some special reward for quitting. No, as a matter of fact, I kinda would like the world to stop telling me congratulations every time I mention I have quit. I do not want recognition for me stopping being an idiot. I am just talking about what ever is affecting me at the moment, cause well, that’s how I get through my trudging horrible day in this crap fest we call america. Right now it’s all over for me, the tenseness is mostly gone, but the anger is the slowest emotion to fade from quitting. I figured it out though, the anger is from the drug being there, not the absence of it. It is just when you finally start to get it out of your system, that’s when you actually start to react like they say the drug will affect you. For damn near 30 years, I have indulged in this drug daily, and now that it is finally faded away, I wonder how many crappy decisions I made were based directly on me being high on nicotine my whole life.

I remember all the bullshit back in the 1980’s about how pot was a gateway drug. I am thinking my first drugs were beer and cigarettes. Those led me to other drugs, if the whole gate way thing is to make any sense. Not only that, but cigarettes were the first rebellion in drugs as well. I was sneaking smokes and dipping tobacco when I was really young, like 8 or something, as soon as I was allowed to go ride in the forest trails with my friends. Since I had smoked with all the bad kids and the good kids from the neighborhood, I was definitely allowed to try out beer and pot.  I say I started when I was 14, but to be honest, if you go to smokes and beer, I started when I was 8. Funny how the DEA never goes after such small fry as the tobacco industry.  Fourteen though, I was buying my own stuff, my own smoky treats, my own beer, my own pot. So I can not blame anyone or any industry, by the time I had figured out who I was going to be, I had quite included the trinity of smokes, weed and alcohol as my three legged table on which to stand.

Taking those three legs out, then was the real battle. I have been trying to quit smoking for years, almost 8 years, I have been putting them down and picking them up again. I knew I would have to quit drinking, but I never thought I would have to quit all three, until I understood I had to quit drinking and marijuana to get rid of smokes. Four years I been trying to quit all three, and while I was by no means an angel during those four years, I kept trying, cutting back, stopping, quitting, starting, falling off the wagon, getting back up, over and over, until finally, I put 1 and 1 and 1 together and realized I really had to quit all three, not just one of, or two of. I had thought, even up to the end, I could keep one vice out of those three and be fine, but now I have gotten over drinking and weed, I finally saw the light, and comfortably quit smoking cigarettes as well.

I will admit I have one vice left that I might, and I do mean I “might”, get rid of. I freaking love coffee, but it does not drive me to smoke or drink or get high. I love a crisp long pulled single macchiato made from some really dark italian roast. I don’t really ever need more than one, though occasionally I will take a large coffee to go if I have a lot to do, after I had my macchiato. Just… a triple dose of caffeine, but really, who cares at this point of the game?

Sliceworks – A Review

I must admit, I am a bit of a food snob. Now if you know me personally this will come as no surprise, but for those who don’t, I am a big guy and it usually takes people by surprise. I grew up very poor, so I never argue against sustenance, the act of eating for survival. I do however, find it very hard to be pleased in this decidedly anti-food town. Denver is like a child who never grew up when it comes to food here. Trendy places will always have trendy people, but there is just too much meat and potatoes blandness here to be wished away by anything coming close to reality with good food. I love variety, I love farm fresh, I love home cooking, but the ability to get that in Denver is limited, and usually protected by a fierce army of regulars. That being said, I have found great food, fairly easy to access, and if you look, fairly close to places in downtown.

I finally got lucky though, it finally happened. A damned great pizza joint finally opened. Sliceworks on 700 East Colfax is just about as good as it gets, in any city, anywhere in the US.  I work very close by, so I even met the guys before they opened the joint up, and I was impressed by their friendly candor and open demeanor from the first meeting. I watched them basically break ground, and I have been hungry ever since.

First of all, this is not your average crappy I am gonna copy a cheap NYC pizza joint pizza by the slice restaurant. Slice works endeavors to be different from the get go, and they serve up amazing slices. I eat them all, and I only want to wash a slice down with another slice. I will start at the beginning though, you have to try all the slices available.  And that is only a third of the menu. Cheese slice is perfect, a thin layer of mozzarella with a thin layer of tasty but with just the right peppering of heat sauce, on a crust that is basically perfect. These are thin crust east coast style, and no one does them like these guys. I have had horrible crust all over Denver, everyone claiming they have their favorite, but it takes something special for me to lay down a little table salt and enjoy just the crust.

I have just started though. Buffalo chicken slice, creamy, spicy, perfection in every bite.  It is definitely something that has been tried, but never has it actually worked, until you have this one.  The Vodka slice is amazing, you have to try the Bacon Cheeseburger slice, if you didn’t try the Grandma’s slice you have just missed out. As a matter of fact, you could come by here everyday for two weeks and get a different gourmand slice of pizza. I have been eating here at least twice a week ever since January, and I am still coming back to get more! Then try it plain with your favorite toppings. I really love the pesto and tomato slice with pepperoni added extra.

The whole pies are just as good, you can get the standards here, and they are all based off the basic cheese Neapolitan, and all the ingredients are fresh and prepared daily. I have to mention the chicken rolls, because I have never had anything this good since I was in Houston and my favorite bakery made sausage rolls, almost the same way.

Let me get off the baked goods for a second here. Obviously, the place has good pizza, but the rest must be murder right? We are in Denver right? We are on Colfax right? Well, you would be absolutely wrong. They make their own meatballs, a guarded family secret, and each one is the size of my fist. And order of two meatballs will set anyone with an appetite right, and if you remember to get some garlic bread with it, you have just established heaven on earth. The salads are again, testament to the ability of this restaurant to produce their menu with aplomb. The house salad is alone different and unique from most places, and they do not let up from such ravage rancor to allow any part of the menu to suffer.  Vodka cream sauce does not only find its way onto a slice, but it gets into the pasta menu. It tastes like home as well, if home was in grandma’s kitchen in the 1920’s.  Finally, the Prosciutto di parma sub. I am drooling even thinking about it, a sub that was made in Italy by a small humble shop and then especially sent to Sliceworks just for me, I have ever wanted to eat one forever and ever.

They even cook french fries right here. I once ordered some with a side of meatballs, cause I felt like fries, and thought, heh, they can’t do fries right I bet. I will have to say, I was wrong, as I am always wrong about anything they have ever tried to foist off my constant reluctance and tiresome tirade of hey, make some good food here why don’t cha. I am constantly in awe of them, and they can actually have my paychecks signed over to them, just let me sleep in the walk in cooler during closed hours.

Now take all that in, let it settle, and what can you want for more? How about a second story of a bar, with big huge windows that open out on to the wonderful world of Colfax, with perfect views of the street, the concert venue, and the surrounding neighborhood. Mike is usually up at the bar, that’s Lou’s dad, and he can make a good time out of a can of potted meat and a pile of used dental floss. I would like to vote an Avery beer on tap at the bar, but with a view of the concert crowds coming and going out of the venue next door, I will just have to suck it up and get drunk on the gin and tonics.

Take a moment, even if it’s a quick one, and try these guys out. In a mere 6 months they have become an established neighborhood pizza joint, and the reputation is highly deserved. Sliceworks will get my tithe every payday.

Conflict – Ever’s 1st Fight

The hunter runs, using all its energy in the culmination of the kill.

Ever channeled her last bits of energy into getting over the mountain pass. Her tough lean body was a good machine, but she was out of fuel, and out of fuel means out of speed. Chased from forest to forest for the past two weeks,  she had no way out it seemed. Five hard men were on her trail, five men who insisted she speak with them, about her ID, her papers, her citizenship. Feds, and feds with nothing to do but chase a fugitive through the mountains.  The one thing the States can not abide by is the idea of someone not cataloged and licensed into the grid.

The air was pulsing with strange pressure waves, the results could only be from a helicopter.  Soon enough the pilot spotted her in the alpine pass, as there was no cover. The whites and blues of lichen covered rock spread out before her, but straight down into the valley there was a stand of trees. She ran down the pass and watched the copter carefully. Lots of wobble there buddy, I don’t think your heli is made for this altitude, so if you land that thing you are not going back up, not quickly at least. Her thoughts started to formulate a ridiculous plan, it would be bad, and she would have to fight, but it should work.

Her last reserve was in her leg pocket of the military pants she wore. She pulled out a warm plastic bottle of apple juice, swigging it while she ran. The tree was 500 yards away now, and the copter was flying slowly, and not the usual fast swoops of small chopper that was stable. There were no other trees for miles, a bare valley, probably logged out just a few years ago. It looked square even, and sure enough, as she got closer it was obviously fenced off . She sent a silent prayer for what ever tree hugger kept this place with old forest, there must have been at least five acres of trees in a square plot.

The chopper pilot could soon see where she was headed, so he moved ahead and landed before her. Perfect! she thought, you could not ask for a better fool. He did exactly like I hoped, worried I would get away, in the one isolated area that had some cover.  Oh wait, did he just get out with a baseball bat in his hand? Well, ask for a better fool and the universe gives you one. She slowed to a jog, letting the fruit juice power her limbs for one last battle. About 50 yards away, the pilot figured out she was not going to run away, but was instead making a straight line for him.

“No wait! Please help me, there are these men after me!” Her voice was filled with fear, and quavered and squeaked. He hesitated just enough that she was able to close the gap quickly. She pulled up short, just out of swinging range of the bat. He seemed like he would use it.

“Why are you running from cops?” He squinted at her, staring her down.

“I didn’t know they were cops!” She baited him with the exclamation and some over exaggerated panting. She opened her eyes wide, and brought her hands up and open to her chest.

He looked her up and down, and then reached behind his back for a set of handcuffs.

He said, “Put your hands above your head. We can straighten this all out at the station.”

She nodded slowly, and started to turn around, but at the last possible moment, she sped it up and slung a booted foot out to where his chin was going to be. The foot snapped out and connected with something soft. She glanced and saw he had blocked her foot with his upper arm, so she spun for yet another half turn and shot a fist right into his nose. The connection gave her the half second of pain shock she needed to drop and continue the spin another half turn and hit his knees with her leg, dropping him to the ground. As he came around to understanding what had happened, she had him with a baseball bat locked around his throat. His struggle was short, and eventually, he passed out. She dropped the bat and thumped his chest, he was breathing fine, even if an ugly welt had started to creep across his throat.

The men were coming over the pass now. They pointed and shouted and started running. She reached into the cockpit and pushed the throttle all the way up. The stability computer kept the chopper from going crazy, and it started to rise straight up. She climbed in and started getting familiar with the instruments. She touched the joystick, and the copter tilted and began slipping sideways. She touched it again the opposite direction and it leveled out.

Well, making computer aided flight was just the thing for escaping, she thought. She pushed it forward a touch, and started moving. Slowly, very slowly, but from the altitude she had gained, she could see a new forest, and no roads in between. Her luck was holding for now, but that would change very soon. Taking the vehicle meant heavy searches now, and lots of people and equipment, and especially thermal satellites.

No roads and no vehicles though, she would make for the huge forest ahead, and think about an escape plan from there. A glance in the helicopter showed her some med kits, a shotgun, and the leftovers from the pilots lunch. Her gamble was tight, and it all had depended on subterfuge. Now they would know she can fight, and they probably can get a mock-up of her face, although the pilot was the only one to see her close up. Once she was 100 miles from anyone, she would ditch the heli and make her way down to the mexican border. The Rocky Mountains had been her home all her life, ever since she was freed from the lab. Time to go join the society, and lose her face in vast billions of the urban jungle.

Time to Soften Up, and be Less Sensitive

This is the look I give asshats.

I work in the public eye, although I can not really say where. I work in a bottle shop as well, and that means, for the most part, I am around adults. Well, what passes for adults in america anyways. Now I usually am harping on the superpowers, but today I am going to harp upon us a bit. Part of my survival comes from being a wanna be  stand up comedian, my shtick so to speak, is making people laugh with bold remarks that are meant to be funny and entertaining. I fully believe that being entertaining is not something that is polite or socially the diversity training era, but rather like Mel Brooks, I like to make fun of the stupid things we all do. Ethnic cultures are just that, if you are on a smart phone and you are talking to your friends half a world away, you are no longer entitled to hack at old ropes and social miscues. I find you wearing one of those horrible giant alligator izod shirts, expect me to talk about how you never got to be a preppie back in the 80’s. Texting on a device that is capable of running a mmorpg with a built-in camera is going to make me call you a fucking hipster, although riding a fixie and calf tattoos will also get you that. It a big wide world out there, and there are plenty of ways we are fucking up, and I am just the person to point them out.

What happened to our sense of  courtesy? I was at the grocer’s today, getting some veggies from the produce section, when this guy just squeezes in between me and the display. I was not harsh, I was not loud, I was feeling confrontational though, so I just said,” Hey, excuse me still works.” He ignored me with aplomb, and I went on to shopping. I had shopped for probably a half an hour when he snuck up behind me and said, in a highly aggressive and angry tone, “Good night to you, sir!” I turned around and said, “It could not possibly be your lack of courtesy that started this, huh?” He responded, “Fuck you.” It was that bored fuck you, the one that says, I am passive aggressive and you can’t do shit to me. I am still getting over the smokes, so I kept it going like an asshat, I yelled “Fuck you! You are a dick! I can meet you outside, if it would please yah!” I was so damn mad. Yes, I should have kept my ass clean, but dammit, I am so tired of these little toads going around being passive aggressive just because they have no fear with this damn police state. The security guard knew me, so he asked what was wrong, not the usual hey buddy you’re in the wrong. He said he’s never seen that guy before, and to calm down, don’t get in trouble with the police. Of course I am not going to go that far, I have too much to live for now, but for a minute, I was the old punker, sick and tired of asshats being asshats, and getting away with it because their mom is not allowed to spank them.

Time for me to soften up, and be less sensitive. I have to go on a binge and get off my high horse, but I will no longer take bullshit from people who act like they are the shit. I am courteous, to a point, and I expect others to be that way as well. I am a big guy, so I am constantly going sorry, excuse me, excuse, pardon, sorry. I want to see more people apologizing for being rude, and fewer people apologizing because they want to add or subtract a purchase at my register. I want to see people apologize for what it is meant for, not minor inconveniences, but alas, I am alone in my whinging. Some folks might agree with me, but I don’t care, it’s really just a rant about rude americans, and there is something no one will be surprised at. I actually don’t game with americans much, if I can help it, looking instead to late night games with aussies and kiwis, and a few early day europeans. I have a few american gamer friends, but to be honest, they are either to old and don’t care about the games I like, or they are to young and the rudest jerks in the gaming world. I have literally one gaming friend, just one, who lives in the same city as I do, and that is another thing I am looking forward to, getting to play games in another country with people who can relax and enjoy it.

I really don’t know where I am going with today’s post, this is definitely one of those chunked it out writings, mostly just this horrible hodgepodge of emotions. I am still trying to get my emotions under control from the nicotine, and I don’t expect to be that good at it for a couple more weeks. I hope that it is soon, but I will say this, aggggg don’t ever start smoking, if for no other reason than to not go through this horrible set of emotions. I am fragile, and I need to be nicer. Soon I won’t be emotional aggromiester, and I can go into public without scaring all the little american toadies. I swear though, some of those guys could really use a swift smack in the chops.

How a Man can Ruin a Romantic Moment

I have fantasies of this place sometimes, I mean lucid thinking fantasy, like, I want to take her there and pamper her and let her feel totally amazing. In blue.

Surely, a bachelor has to work a bit at being romantic, especially if he has been alone for a long time. I can name at least one, that one would be me. Now, I love my baby, and I might be thinking some naughty thoughts of her, but I have been alone a very long time, over a decade. I was fast on the way to becoming a life long bachelor, and had grown very used to not having any sort of romantic life at all. I was even getting good at yelling at small children, and mothers seemed increasingly annoying in public. I am starting to get over it all, but a few months ago my love had me going for the longest time, she laughed and laughed and laughed at this situation. I was completely stupid, and laughed quite a bit at myself for this.

The setting was us laying about at the end of the day, as is our want, and we were trying unsuccessfully to watch some aussie television together. Most of it was us talking to each other, and during a particularly close and nice chat, I did the worst goof I think ever.

her – Imma give you some icy block, and then I steal it backs

me – Nuuuuu, don’t be putting your fingers in my mouth! You can have it, you can HAVE IT!

There was a long pause here, as I was overreacting, (to what to her was a cute little thing,) and obviously kind of freaked out. I however, had this image of her sticking her fingers in my mouth to steal a bite of popsicle back.

her – Baby, I meant I would kiss you and steal it back when I kissed you.

me – Ohhhh, I thought you meant you was gonna reached in my mouth and steal it with your fingers. I felt a bit violated.

The ensuing laughter made me a bit red for a while, but I was laughing to. She was being the cutest thing ever, and I practically ran out of the room in horror. This goes to show you how much of a bachelor I have been, and the sometimes impossible unromance of the internet relationship. I am not completely clueless, and had I been in the same room, a sidelong glance, a small kiss, a lick of the lips, there are many subtle clues that someone is coming on with their cheekiness. I am sure I would have picked up on a clue or two and been able to play along, even if I was slightly confused, I mean, shoot, the woman is being coy, live a little! Noooooo, I am stuck in my little crappy apartment surrounded by man things and man stuff, and I have no clue what is going on over there.

I am lucky though. I have the gift of art and writing, so I can be original and romantic, I am not stuck with the roses, dinner, teddy bear, chocolate routine. Not that there is anything wrong with the standards of romance, they work very well if well done and timed, but most guys, well art is the farthest thing from their world of comprehension. It should not however, be considered a huge detriment, we already have that on our shoulders, we are men. Young men, oh man, now those are the guys who are going to have it rough. Any boy hitting puberty after 1996 has got it bad, because they have been stupidified by prOn. Young guys just watch, look at whatever gets them off, and no imagination, though I see a resurgence of imagination lately. People my age, we got the benefits of learning about masters and johnson, but if you wanted porn you had to get it from a videotape or magazine, and basically, a lot was still left in the imagination.

That is the gist of this post though, gentleman, you need to use your imagination. I look at having a life partner a great opportunity to explore what ever sexuality is out there, you have someone you trust, so it is time to invest into some leather, or perhaps a trip to a fetish ball. You can communicate, and really explore anything you want to, not just be left in the cold and doing the missionary for 20 years. Your imagination is all that is required, as long as you have learned to talk about things, to discourse what is good and what is not, to open a field of learning to both sides of the fence. If you followed what all doctors, learned masters, psychologists have to say, you can now do what ever comes into your imagination. I never understood why anyone would chase tail, because tail is stupid, it’s a myth, there is no such thing as better sex, unless you work at it. You can only conquer tail, sex with your love you can improve and make the most satisfying thing in the world.

So yes, I can ruin a romantic moment, ruin it thoroughly and kill the mood for the evening. I am after all, a man. I can learn to do things differently next time, to be more receptive and understanding, and know, well, she is not actually going to reach into my mouth with her fingers and pull out the food I was enjoying. More than anything, I can ask her what she likes, where I should touch, what makes her feel good. I can ask what makes her comfortable, relaxed, and happy. I can do many things to please her, and then I can use my imagination to create new scenes for us to play in.  Fellows, take heed, it is a good thing to spend hours with your lover. Those friends on a motorcycle are just gonna get you unlaid, and then you will be an old man chasing young girls, because having a beautiful woman will be outside your experience. I think prOn is fine to learn a little from, but its like trying to learn history from watching a hollywood film. Your best teacher is your partner, because they will teach of themselves, and when you learn of them, they will want to learn of you. Simple, easy and I want to thank Dan Savage for being a voice of honesty and communication out there.



Love for All Mankind

You are not you without we.

The other day I wrote a little love song for my beloved, and I also let you all know the softer side of me. I am not shy about how much I love this lovely lady of mine, and I never shall be. If I was at a hunters club and my best friend asked me if I was holding my lady’s hand, I would stand up and hold it up above my head. I would then ask if any of the other men were manly enough to hold their ladies hands, or if they were all pushed around by some bullshit machismo because some dead animals were on the walls. My love is for real, I love her more than anyone on earth, I have no intentions of hiding my love from anyone, instead I am proud to be in love with her, and I will antagonize anyone with a half assed idea of what my love might not be with adulation for my lady. I love her fiercely, with pride, and with honor. I would wear her kerchief, even if it be flowery and pink and laced, and wear it proudly anywhere she asks. I do not think love makes me weak, instead, I know love makes me strong.

Now there is another kind of love as well. This is the love for your fellow-man. We need to care about every human on this earth. We are a loving, caring race, not the race of predestined sin. I ask you, the only innocents among us are babes who can not speak, but there is a belief these children are evil. I must argue, we are not that way, we evolved to be empathetic to each other, to care about each other. I do not know how to teach us to love, but americans, you need to start caring not only about yourselves, because we don’t care about ourselves, we consider ourselves basically worthless, we need to care about all mankind. We will never solve these problems untill we learn to love all, all of mankind.

I know this to be true, there is only one species of human. Science can classify differences in our single species, but we are still one species. We have to love all of ourselves, we have to drop this idea that things happen to other people. One human repressed is one human to many, it means it can happen to any of us. One human without food, is the fact that all of us could be found hungry. Our love must reach beyond the limited circle of dipshits on facebook, it must be for all people. When people die to oppression, its is all of us being oppressed, pushed, limited by powers that do not need such power.

Crime is because people are too poor, we were never meant to be this poor. I mean all of us, there should not be a single starving person in the entire world, when there is enough food for us to all eat. Everybody wants to know what is wrong with the world, well, really, it is the lack of love for our fellow-man. I would like to point out how everyone talked about the movie shooting in Aurora but hardly a soul mentioned the Sikh temple shooting. We should care about all women and children, not just the ones who match skin color. We should care about the women getting acid dumped on them because they stand up for themselves. We should care about the republican who claims some mystical power keeps rape victims from being pregnant.

We can care for each other much easier than hate each other. Love begets love, hate begets hate. I find it disgusting that we still allow the rich and powerful to be imperialistic for the price of a gas tank. We can care for each other much easier than we can fight each other. We can turn the whole world around in one generation, just by caring for each other. I saw this project some kid came up with, where they install solar panels in rural villages, then CHARGE the people who live there for free solar energy. We could change the whole world with love, make friends instead of enemies, and learn tolerance and friendship instead of bigotry and prejudice. I am more than willing to share my atheist attitude of love with a christian, but that christian is being intolerant and hateful to me and my friends, solely because we are atheists. The world is starting to look ugly, and the only way out of such ugliness is love.

Love the thief, the junkie, the politician, and love them unconditionally. When we come to the talking tables with love, we can change everything we want to. The powerful want us to hate, because if we ever unite in love, they will become powerless. You can not kill someone who is loved, you can only turn them into martyrs. Loving each other is the path of righteousness, and it is the path I want us to start on.  We could come together in love, change the bad life of all our fellow-men, simply by learning to love each other rather than hate. I am ready to start this way, but I fear no one understand that love is the path we need to follow. I hear hatred and anger, but never love and understanding. We have learned it is a hard life that makes a hard person, very few criminals come from the soft side of town. Usually those that do, you find out they had a hard life anyways, scuffing and fighting to change things. I am ready to stop fighting, and start loving, first locally, then worldwide. Love can move faster than light, and you can trust in love. You can never trust in hate.

I only say this repetition in love, with love, that we may learn to love each other. Please try it, and see what a difference love can make. Love someone you have hated, and you will soon understand why they did the things they did to make you hate them.

Lovesong – For My Queen

I have a few words I want to sing to you, my beloved.

I’m feeling like singing a love song

And the truth of life will be told

Can’t stop me from singing this love song

My heart has begun to unfold


You believe in my truth

And I believe in your heart

Our love will never be fooled

We will never walk in the dark


Trees will grow and rain will fall

Dogs will bark and cats will howl

Our love is over it all

I feel like telling everyone now


I’m feeling like singing a love song

And the truth of life will be told

Can’t stop me from singing this love song

My heart has begun to unfold


We never shout at each other

We always try to understand

Your problems will never be a bother

I’m always going to be your stand up man


I hear angels in your voice

I see the sun set in your sigh

Defend you to the death is my choice

To be without you is to die


I’m feeling like singing a love song

And the truth of life will be told

Can’t stop me from singing this love song

My heart has begun to unfold


Stars will fall and days will end

My love will go on beyond them

You are my lover and my best friend

I want to kiss you limb from limb


Bees still flirt with flowers and honey

And the fish still shimmer and swim

Our love is the nature of eternity

Our love is without a beginning and an end


I’m feeling like singing a love song

And the truth of life will be told

Can’t stop me from singing this love song

My heart has begun to unfold


Normally I would make this private, like most of my writings to my beloved. All my followers know I love you, but I felt I should share this, in case others with the love I have would like to share it with their beloved. Love is the love I need, I have said, and I think we should have a lot more love in this world. It is lack of love that creates people without compassion, people without a conscience. I can be a very cold fish, but I would be hard put to ignore another human in need. So in the spirit of sharing love, I wrote this song for anyone to use, to share, to give to another. It is simple and tells the tale in simple words, with a bit of tongue twisting to make it a giggly thing. I love my beautiful Everstar, she is my always, my everything, my lady and my Queen.




Not Titled for No Reason

This is grass. It could be argued this is not grass.

I am flapping my wings and going nowhere, and that’s just fine. I am putting out things I know I will not like in ten years. Or maybe I will. I do not care. I just wanted to write stuff, make a thousand words fall out of my hat, and then call it a day. This is not where I want to be. This is not the end of my skills. I have written a few things that I am proud of, and quite a few more that I am not. I keep writing however, because it is the only thing that makes sense to me in america right now. I have said some things awkwardly. I have said some things beautifully. The truth of what I have done is probably somewhere in between.

In May I started this with no purpose in mind. I still have no purpose in mind. I was just going to work on chucking out about a thousand words a blog, and well… I have succeeded at understanding what it takes to chuck a thousand words out in a blog. I feel terrible when I write terrible, but not so terrible I can not enjoy a very decent BLT sandwich. I feel good when I write good, but again, not so good I will not eat a BLT sandwich. I have discovered I am addicted to writing however, and that seems to be… well… an addiction.

I quit smoking yesterday. Smoking is an addiction. Now writing is my addiction. I feel bad about substituting addictions, but at least writing may pay the bills one day. Writing does not pay the bills today however, nor in the near future. When I say near future, I mean like, a year or so. Not like, geologically, 12 million years. I am wondering if my addiction will lead to a better keyboard, because I like playing PC games, and they work better with a better keyboard. I still have a cheap crappy mouse however.

I can sense a rhythm to my writing, and wonder if I should actually write everything in my first book as an epic poem. I wonder if that would actually intrigue people to read it, or if it would actually encourage people to bypass it as white elephant. My rhythm is off this day. I feel like a young Jack White, but without the talent. Staccato is fine for now. I like short phrases.  Conversation is stunted, but communication is clearer over time. My patience is also stunted. My writing feels like I am not smoking.

Yes, this piece was a release from the frustration of quitting. No, I am not interested in ever using it again. I am not fond of over simplicity. My brain feels like it is arguing with a 4-year-old who wants a cookie. That four-year old has not eaten its broccoli. I will insist that the four-year old eat its broccoli or go to bed. My brain knows it is not a four-year old, but instead is an impatient bastard. The impatient bastard has stated fair and clear to fuck off, and go find a way to sleep, or it will make me twitch.

I have no original ideas this time. I rarely have dreams. My dreams will make it into books. I do not intend to write books until I am safe and sound beside my beautiful Queen. I never knew love could change me so much. I wish my mother and step-father had loved me, not in some teary eyed manipulative way, but with support and advice.  I probably would be a great writer already. I do not know that for sure. I might have sucked.

I like to tell stories. My stories are fun to tell, but they can be rough to the ear and the eye. I am sometimes afraid of being a great writer in america, because I am paranoid about censorship. I have every right to be paranoid by the way. One day, I will tell that story. My personal story may never be fully told. At least not until I am safely out of the country. I am not going to get into selling pirated movies, so hopefully I won’t have to pull a Julian Assange.

I am going to cut this short. I have packed a lot in for under 800 words. I do not intend to write a thousand today. I did that to be different.

Dare to be different.