How a Man can Ruin a Romantic Moment
I have fantasies of this place sometimes, I mean lucid thinking fantasy, like, I want to take her there and pamper her and let her feel totally amazing. In blue.
Surely, a bachelor has to work a bit at being romantic, especially if he has been alone for a long time. I can name at least one, that one would be me. Now, I love my baby, and I might be thinking some naughty thoughts of her, but I have been alone a very long time, over a decade. I was fast on the way to becoming a life long bachelor, and had grown very used to not having any sort of romantic life at all. I was even getting good at yelling at small children, and mothers seemed increasingly annoying in public. I am starting to get over it all, but a few months ago my love had me going for the longest time, she laughed and laughed and laughed at this situation. I was completely stupid, and laughed quite a bit at myself for this.
The setting was us laying about at the end of the day, as is our want, and we were trying unsuccessfully to watch some aussie television together. Most of it was us talking to each other, and during a particularly close and nice chat, I did the worst goof I think ever.
her – Imma give you some icy block, and then I steal it backs
me – Nuuuuu, don’t be putting your fingers in my mouth! You can have it, you can HAVE IT!
There was a long pause here, as I was overreacting, (to what to her was a cute little thing,) and obviously kind of freaked out. I however, had this image of her sticking her fingers in my mouth to steal a bite of popsicle back.
her – Baby, I meant I would kiss you and steal it back when I kissed you.
me – Ohhhh, I thought you meant you was gonna reached in my mouth and steal it with your fingers. I felt a bit violated.
The ensuing laughter made me a bit red for a while, but I was laughing to. She was being the cutest thing ever, and I practically ran out of the room in horror. This goes to show you how much of a bachelor I have been, and the sometimes impossible unromance of the internet relationship. I am not completely clueless, and had I been in the same room, a sidelong glance, a small kiss, a lick of the lips, there are many subtle clues that someone is coming on with their cheekiness. I am sure I would have picked up on a clue or two and been able to play along, even if I was slightly confused, I mean, shoot, the woman is being coy, live a little! Noooooo, I am stuck in my little crappy apartment surrounded by man things and man stuff, and I have no clue what is going on over there.
I am lucky though. I have the gift of art and writing, so I can be original and romantic, I am not stuck with the roses, dinner, teddy bear, chocolate routine. Not that there is anything wrong with the standards of romance, they work very well if well done and timed, but most guys, well art is the farthest thing from their world of comprehension. It should not however, be considered a huge detriment, we already have that on our shoulders, we are men. Young men, oh man, now those are the guys who are going to have it rough. Any boy hitting puberty after 1996 has got it bad, because they have been stupidified by prOn. Young guys just watch, look at whatever gets them off, and no imagination, though I see a resurgence of imagination lately. People my age, we got the benefits of learning about masters and johnson, but if you wanted porn you had to get it from a videotape or magazine, and basically, a lot was still left in the imagination.
That is the gist of this post though, gentleman, you need to use your imagination. I look at having a life partner a great opportunity to explore what ever sexuality is out there, you have someone you trust, so it is time to invest into some leather, or perhaps a trip to a fetish ball. You can communicate, and really explore anything you want to, not just be left in the cold and doing the missionary for 20 years. Your imagination is all that is required, as long as you have learned to talk about things, to discourse what is good and what is not, to open a field of learning to both sides of the fence. If you followed what all doctors, learned masters, psychologists have to say, you can now do what ever comes into your imagination. I never understood why anyone would chase tail, because tail is stupid, it’s a myth, there is no such thing as better sex, unless you work at it. You can only conquer tail, sex with your love you can improve and make the most satisfying thing in the world.
So yes, I can ruin a romantic moment, ruin it thoroughly and kill the mood for the evening. I am after all, a man. I can learn to do things differently next time, to be more receptive and understanding, and know, well, she is not actually going to reach into my mouth with her fingers and pull out the food I was enjoying. More than anything, I can ask her what she likes, where I should touch, what makes her feel good. I can ask what makes her comfortable, relaxed, and happy. I can do many things to please her, and then I can use my imagination to create new scenes for us to play in. Fellows, take heed, it is a good thing to spend hours with your lover. Those friends on a motorcycle are just gonna get you unlaid, and then you will be an old man chasing young girls, because having a beautiful woman will be outside your experience. I think prOn is fine to learn a little from, but its like trying to learn history from watching a hollywood film. Your best teacher is your partner, because they will teach of themselves, and when you learn of them, they will want to learn of you. Simple, easy and I want to thank Dan Savage for being a voice of honesty and communication out there.