Two Weeks and I am so done with smoking!
My last vice, I swear. I do not count chocolate as a vice, it is a food group.
Well folks, I have finally kicked the habit. I am lucky in that I can change my habits pretty easy, but oh! This was a hard challenge. First and foremost, I want to thank my beautiful Queen. I would have never gotten through this without her special care and love, because I was basically a raging asshat for about 10 days. I am still a bit edgy, don’t get me wrong, but her love and patience with me, combined with some giggles at my asshattery, kept me quite in line. I have quit before, then fallen off the wagon, but this time, I dunno, I really wanted this, and I never want to go through this again. I am so done, and since I am with the most wonderful woman in the world, I do not especially want to put her through that wringer again. I suggest to those of you who are trying to quit and failing, get a partner! It really helped to just talk about my addiction and cravings with someone who understood.
SO get this kick to it all. We quit right? Good for us right? We did it to live longer and to save a ton of money right? Well we both have gotten the shit kicked out of us for even supposing the world gives a rat’s ass. Her car has been broken and saved and fixed and now its broken again, and my landlord is at my door screaming for rent. Not for us trying or being good either, just random circumstances basically that went against us trying to save a buck for a change, so now we are in a deeper money hole than before. I would like to ask the world to give us a break, just for once. Ok, yes we were very lucky to find each other, but that is not notice to the fates to now screw us every chance! Now please laugh, because all this is said in jest, but seriously, how can I not laugh at the irony.
It is not that I think I should get some special reward for quitting. No, as a matter of fact, I kinda would like the world to stop telling me congratulations every time I mention I have quit. I do not want recognition for me stopping being an idiot. I am just talking about what ever is affecting me at the moment, cause well, that’s how I get through my trudging horrible day in this crap fest we call america. Right now it’s all over for me, the tenseness is mostly gone, but the anger is the slowest emotion to fade from quitting. I figured it out though, the anger is from the drug being there, not the absence of it. It is just when you finally start to get it out of your system, that’s when you actually start to react like they say the drug will affect you. For damn near 30 years, I have indulged in this drug daily, and now that it is finally faded away, I wonder how many crappy decisions I made were based directly on me being high on nicotine my whole life.
I remember all the bullshit back in the 1980’s about how pot was a gateway drug. I am thinking my first drugs were beer and cigarettes. Those led me to other drugs, if the whole gate way thing is to make any sense. Not only that, but cigarettes were the first rebellion in drugs as well. I was sneaking smokes and dipping tobacco when I was really young, like 8 or something, as soon as I was allowed to go ride in the forest trails with my friends. Since I had smoked with all the bad kids and the good kids from the neighborhood, I was definitely allowed to try out beer and pot. I say I started when I was 14, but to be honest, if you go to smokes and beer, I started when I was 8. Funny how the DEA never goes after such small fry as the tobacco industry. Fourteen though, I was buying my own stuff, my own smoky treats, my own beer, my own pot. So I can not blame anyone or any industry, by the time I had figured out who I was going to be, I had quite included the trinity of smokes, weed and alcohol as my three legged table on which to stand.
Taking those three legs out, then was the real battle. I have been trying to quit smoking for years, almost 8 years, I have been putting them down and picking them up again. I knew I would have to quit drinking, but I never thought I would have to quit all three, until I understood I had to quit drinking and marijuana to get rid of smokes. Four years I been trying to quit all three, and while I was by no means an angel during those four years, I kept trying, cutting back, stopping, quitting, starting, falling off the wagon, getting back up, over and over, until finally, I put 1 and 1 and 1 together and realized I really had to quit all three, not just one of, or two of. I had thought, even up to the end, I could keep one vice out of those three and be fine, but now I have gotten over drinking and weed, I finally saw the light, and comfortably quit smoking cigarettes as well.
I will admit I have one vice left that I might, and I do mean I “might”, get rid of. I freaking love coffee, but it does not drive me to smoke or drink or get high. I love a crisp long pulled single macchiato made from some really dark italian roast. I don’t really ever need more than one, though occasionally I will take a large coffee to go if I have a lot to do, after I had my macchiato. Just… a triple dose of caffeine, but really, who cares at this point of the game?