Love is Eternal
A rather unusual symbol in the midst of the infinity of nature.
In my life, I have had a hard way, and it makes me a bit of a grumpy old man. I know 43 is not old to people who listen to all that bullshit spewed by the baby boomer generation, but I have never had a dentist, I have never had a doctor, just emergency medical care that constitutes basically having one abscessed tooth pulled. I found out later it was not even abscessed. I have never had money, not like some people have, I have never had much for family or love, so its been a long hard 30 years on my own. I am not setting up for a pity vote here, I am just saying to those who think life is a fucking bowl of cherries at 43, good for you, but some of us do not. I can tell you I have earned ever grey hair on my head, and that is just the way it is. I am burned out mentally and physically from my job, and I really just want it all to end, the hardships that is. I was on a path to change my life, in some crazy drastic way, which would have probably ended up with me either dead or in prison. I just wanted to change it all, I am so angry about this life, so cheated, feeling so deflated and unhappy, that I was willing to become an illegal immigrant in order to change my life.
Until that third day, after I met her. 12-03-12 will forever be the day my life began to change. We met in virtual reality, it is one of those rare and beautiful moments on the internet when two souls linked across distance and time to become as one together. I fell for her generous and kind nature almost immediately, even the first day we met I was thinking I had found someone who understood what I mean when I say to be honorable and reasonable. I could not help myself, I swore I would never fall for anyone ever again, I swore I was done with love, I swore I would not be hurt again. I fell however, I fell right into her heart, her kind and loving nature, her sharing and caring way of looking at the world. My bitterness melted under her loving ways, her easy manner, her wit. I found I was deeply in love, and within a month I had promised myself to her forever.
How does that work, I wonder? I mean, if you could view our lives, there is no reason at all, no rational that says we could even begin to be in love. Her life was as cold as mine, in so many ways, we have to stop comparing notes, because it is immaterial to how we feel about each other. I didn’t live her life, but we see eye to eye on so many things, it is obvious that we have had similar changes in psychology. I have thought about this though, really given it some thought, because one thing is for sure, neither of us wants to be hurt ever again. We have both had a bag full of disappointment in our investments in people and life. How did we end up this way?
I like to be logical about things. I like science and math, probably a bit too much for the average person. When ever I see the scientific solution to things that puzzle us, I always laugh and get a bit happier, because if it is science, it is knowledge and we can build much better on knowledge than belief. Love however, is not so easy or as logical as all the math and science however. How did love beat our psychologies and defenses. The only solution I have been able to come up with is that true love, the real thing like my Everstar and I are engaged in, this kind of love is eternal. I would do whatever I could to make her happy. I would die, cross mountains, oceans, whatever it takes to make her happy. We both really like the recent movie The Vow, because it shows how true love can make the difference, a real true to life love story, one filled with some of the strangest synchronicity ever known in a relationship.
Eternity overcomes all mathematical obstacles. If you have a finite amount of numbers, you will find your end eventually. I think that is why our love, a true love, overcame our defenses. I have never known real true love in my life, so the numbers, the logic, always overcame the truth of love. True loves eternity, having never encountered it, I assumed that no matter what, there would be an end to anything I start, or get involved in, but now I know different. I don’t even know if this is some strange explanation, but it is one I was thinking of today, when I came home and read my love’s amazingly tender and beautiful explanation of our love together, from her point of view. Love is eternal, therefore you may dip into its well as much as you need in life, no matter what, there will be more love for you to use.
All in all, it’s a lovely though, inspired by my beautiful Queen, and I am glad I have had the time on earth I have had with her to think of such things. My life has been one of varied threats and bad choices, even when I chose right something else would happen anyways. No it just gets more and more beautiful, on an hourly basis. I would have gone out of my mind at that damn job by now, but her beauty and confidence in me gives me strength that I never knew I had. The love we share grows everyday, and my trust and humility in her and our lives is amazing, I am fine being a human, I am fine being poor, everything is fine, as long as I have her love. No one, no thing, no place or time can ever strip me of my love for her. I got this eternal mine of diamonds, and they are all for her.