Rebirth and its followup

by cunningstuff

I know its old, and I have no use for differential calculations, but I still want it.

Pic not related.

A 5 day fast is pretty tremendous and interesting as well. I fasted until a few days before thanksgiving, and I intend to fast again soon. I went 5 days total, but on the sixth day, I was finding it hard to pull energy together for work. I don’t have the edema in my legs anymore, and I am mostly clear of headaches again. I did quit energy drinks, so I got a lot of good out of it. This next fast will be for just a few days, then I will be on juice for a loooong time. I found it very hard to get through thanksgiving without eating, as we had my favorite restaurant’s meatballs for lunch at work, so I kinda gave in on that one. I am not upset with myself though, everyone in America is stuffing themselves, and the likelihood of ever encountering meatballs for thanksgiving again is probably so remote that I could start taking the lotto now in hopes of actually winning. I am moving out of the country in the long run, so it was my last Thanksgiving anyways.

Those five days were really unique. For one, I had two days at home, the first two of the fast, and they were so calm, although I was a little over emotional.  The next three days were at work. I do not suggest this to anyone, to be honest, it pretty much burned my burnt ass short fuse right off at the nub for the past week, and I have never hated work more. I can see way to clearly to be at work. I can see people being fake, people playacting, people posing, people being bullies and bossy, it was really horrible. The constant physical struggle to stand all day while not eating wore me out as well, but to be honest, although I will never water fast at work again, it was an interesting experience. The clarity with which you see and understand people is dangerous and tiring in a retail store, at least in a high volume one like I work in. The most insufferable are the type a’s who think everyone should work for them, and try to direct every little detail, screwing up and lengthening the whole damn process. The saddest are the people in there because they just broke up or lost a job.

I think a 3 day fast is fine, one day at work, then two days off in the relaxing setting of my house, where at least I can control the music and the company. I will be doing that next week, and nothing but juice after, and I will be working on getting to that point the rest of the week.  I should not have given in today, but damn it, I live alone, I have no family, I had to be at work on fucking thanksgiving day from noon to 8 pm, and my fiance is across the pacific ocean in another country. I have enough stress, so I had a good meal and am not going to worry about it. I had it at work too, so I went right back to a busy day after I ate. I am not going to feel bad about it, I am just going to move on.

Speaking of moving on, if you have not gotten a passport yet, and you are not a minor dependent  I suggest you plan on trying to get it six months before you travel. I have never been so insulted in all my life as when the department of state has decided I did not provide enough information for my passport. Seems this is a normal thing now, for all adults in america, looks like travel is becoming discouraged among the common population. I am not talking about some conspiracy theory, this has happened to a lot of folks since 2008, not just me. It really can take 6 months to gather all the information and get the approval of the passport gods of state. I have this stress too, as I approach my leaving of the US, I am finding this to be happening still just three months before I leave. I applied for my passport in august, for perspective, it is not november, soon december and no passport. I have no long criminal history, nor am I some constant protester or political activist. I am a dude, just old and kinda slow, whose house burnt down some 6 years ago. I have my birth certificate and my state issued ID, but that is not enough these days, especially if you are just a normal joe.

To finish catching up, it also xmas season again. I actually have to get a gift, and I have no clue what to do here. What is appropriate? What is not? Should I go with my instinct or should I try to find some sort of common ground? I have more questions about this than I had thought, and it all revolves around one gift. I like thinking about her, whenever I can. I like the idea of holidays now too, I just need to get out from behind the register. She had me thinking positive right off the bat in the morning, so happy a beginning to an otherwise crappy day.

I think that may be the truth behind this blog today, it seems to have no purpose, but in reality it is staring me in the face. I am thankful this year. I have a reason to be thankful, for a change. I am thanking the universe for sending me my Everstar, my beautiful love, my teardrop from the sun, my dark and majestic Queen. I am thankful for her inspiration, her support, her sweet breath, it is a dew in the morning from the gods themselves. I can just sit and watch her soon, her beautiful face, her lively and engaging manner, oh thank you again universe, for she is my everything.