A logging road, leaving a destitute and destroyed land, but with a promise of smoother roads in the future, feels appropriate today.
I have finally begun the process of relaxing into my new life. Since the job is something I can not do right now, I have had time to set up an exercise regimen, and that has really helped. I live in a house now, which unlike my studio, give me the ability to walk around, actually it forces me to walk around, and motion creates emotion. I climb stairs 4 to 5 times a day now, I walk around when I have been sitting to long, and I can just walk outside and sit in the fresh air. I get to go outside, and I get to go outside when I want, and I have an outside to take care of as well. Mowing, edging, trimming, taking out old shrubs, all have let me sweat out a lot of toxins and helped me to feel good.
My diet has changed as well, these days, having one small piece of chocolate is cheating myself. I am on protein shakes twice a day, 4 pieces of fruit, and then a sensible dinner. Tonight that is a baked sweet potato, with a side of steamed veggies. I walked through the shops yesterday, and everything was tempting me. I might be in Australia now, but they have just as bad junk food here as the states. A few healthier differences, to be sure, there are far more chicken places than hamburger places, but candy, chocolates, donuts, fried potatoes, fried everything else, chips, cookies, they are here, prominent, and everywhere you go.
There is however, at least here in Sydney, a much more responsible population than in America. My beautiful queen and her family have basically said lose weight or get out, and though it seems harsh, it is a challenge I well accept. I have spent the last year building my body core up by riding my bicycle. I now walk once or twice a day with the puppies, we go for 1.5 kilometers (give or take 100m.) I then do 30 minutes on either a stationary or normal bike, sometimes I do that twice. I am working up to I do both of these things twice a day. Yesterday was a fine day, with a 2.5 km walk to the shops, taking the dogs out twice for 3 km, and bike ride with my darling in the evening, which was quite fun.
Here is the hard part. I am waiting patiently for the changes. I want change now, but these changes take time, a matter of weeks and months, and I only have 2 months of time left to show positive change. I am not chewing my nails yet, but I would like something to happen soon. I can measure the changes in how I breath in the walks, so I know I am getting better and healthier, but I am still worried I can not do enough in enough time. For me, in my own personal biggest loser show, there is only one person who goes home, or one person who wins the prize. If I go home, I lose everything, so I am seriously motivated to change.
This is a change for life mind you. All these changes I started three years ago, with the roots of change going even farther back, to when I bought an acoustic classical guitar. I left and sold all my music gear to help pay the way out here, so haha, funny I find an affordable 50 dollar classical acoustic guitar once I am here. I am not one to allow such monumental omens to fall by the way side, I totally had to buy it, and I play it everyday now. Funny too, because it is a classical, it really helps me be more accurate in my playing.
I am a little lost, I feel a little on edge, but I do truly feel alive. I am living here, doing things to make life something better, stronger than ever before. Meeting my Queen was and is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am in a whirlwind of change, and although I am doing my best, I am still scared and worried about the future. So many things are happening, so many emotions are flailing around, I am just doing the zen rock thing, and trying to be calm. I want my heart of stone to be fueled by passion however, not fear. My goal is the marriage of a beautiful woman, the winning of her heart and mind, and that is what I use to stay calm. I sometimes lose my cool, but I am not as angry as I used to be. I have to be careful, because I do not want to be so accepting I become weak and insipid in her eyes, but I have to yield in the way all people must yield in a relationship. My life has only shared the world and the room with others maybe a total of three years, mostly when I was younger and far more fanciful, so I never learned anything.
The story ends well though, if a story this lack of story blog could be considered. I feel the light again, smell the grass, hear the birds. I am finding a way through the world that does not only involve the internet or games. There is an almost holiday feel in the air, a grand expectancy, that entirely depends on my personal involvement and will, so in a way, I am free and flying under my own power. Hopelessly dependent on her sponsorship, I am the one who has to step up and improve their lot. I am more in control of my destiny than ever before, and I know exactly where I have set my goals.